It's Been A While...

So. I needed a break. Why? I think I just needed to take a look at what I was doing and re-focus. I feel like I am putting way too much effort into things that aren't certain. I think this freaked me out when I first realized this, but now I feel comfortable with it. Here's my account of my last couple weeks.

I realized that I have no certainty with employment. When I started college, I remember thinking that I would find a job. Not right away, but in a couple years. Now, a couple years later, I feel like I am right back at the start. Yes, I have some great experience in television. I have learned A LOT about the industry, how things work, and the differences in technology. However, stability feels unattainable. The carrot feels like it's being dangled from a string on a rolling spool. Or... at least this is what I thought.

After sitting down and having a momentary freak-out, I figured that there is nothing I can change about it. Even if I manage to get the proverbial carrot, I will always be shown another. And I'll want it. And I'll strive, stress, and push to get it. Pushing for a career, however, isn't all it's cut out to be. For example, last week, I remember waking up at 6:00 to go in to work for 8:30, to get off around 3, to drive half an hour, to go to work from 4-12. What a life. Thankfully, I slept in the next morning. How people do this on a regular basis I will never understand. HOW I DO THIS on a regular basis I don't understand.

So. for sanity's sake, I am choosing not to care. I'm choosing to not gear my life around a 'What if.' Whatever happens, happens. All I can say about that. Hope doesn't get results when the actions are out of your control.

That being said, I reset my goals. Instead of looking for more jobs, I'm going to create my own. I know what I want. I know what I am capable of. I am choosing to apply to grants and loans so that I can get my business started. I called the Small Business Finance Centre and made an investment in myself. I am more excited about this than I ever have been.

I can do this. No 'What If' necessary.

:)